The New Year vs The "Old" Year

So you're winding down from the holidays of 2009 and celebrating the beginning of 2010. What are you feeling as you think of another year, another decade, starting? No doubt you are thinking about the past. We all are. The holiday season is always a time for reflection, of looking back on the year that has gone by. It's a time to take inventory of what we have gained, our accomplishments, successes, new experiences, and what we have lost. At the dawn of a new year we are full of hope and promise of a new start. It's a second chance to get it right.

This time of reflection is not without a glimpse (or in some cases, a cold hard stare) into our misses, rather than our hits. The meant-to-be-broken-New-Years-Resolution notwithstanding, we are not immune to focusing on our shortcomings. Is this where we thought we were going to be 365 days ago? For some of us, absolutely. For others, probably not. We often set ourselves up with goals that at first glance should be within our reach, should be easy to accomplish...and for whatever reason, as the months fly by us at lightening speed, life happens and we lose sight of our goal. The cold reality of another January 1st hits us like a glass of ice water and we find ourselves thinking "where did that year go? what did I do all year? I know I didn't [lose 20 pounds] [start/finish school] [change jobs] [join a gym/dance/acting class/book club]..." Sound familiar?

I doubt any of us were idle this past year! On the contrary - when we take stock of what you did accomplish, it is a pretty impressive list. Whether it was finally finishing the unread books sitting in your bookshelf, an impromptu gathering with friends or family, or grabbing a gang to go skating, make note of it. The activities that really matter are rarely written down in your "To Do" list. But they are even more important, because they are part of your life, part of you and they deserve to be recorded. Take stock of what you have done - if it helps, record them in a calendar or journal (by the way, doesn't have to be a memoir). Document your "Have Done" list. It'll be an impressive one!

My wish for you is that as you reflect upon the year gone by, and the promise of the year to come, you take time to pat yourself on the back for another year well-done!

Happy New Year/Happy You Year!
Karen

The Inevitable Holiday Post!

It was bound to happen - the holiday post. Where I am supposed to remind you of the reason for the season.
I am not planning to do that. Everyone is stressed about the perfect gift, tree, meal... Apparantly, it is a season that is supposed to be full of peace and joy, however during my holiday errands, I am noticing that there is a shortage on peace and joy!
I just want to send a short message to remind everyone that regardless of how beautiful your tree is, how clean your house is, how many fancy cookies you have baked or painstakingly arranged the perfect evening, none of this is vitally important.
During the holiday entertaining season, there's one thing you must never forget...the reason why people are coming to see you is to do just that! TO SEE YOU! (and if they are concerned about petty, perfect things, then, really, what does it matter?) As in my previous friends post - you have guests who will want to pitch in to wash your dishes and bake your h'or d'oeuvres because you are running late! Let them!
My wish for you is that you entertain with a cheerful abandon. Put the timer on the stove when warming stuff up - then relax until called by the bell. Eat, drink (responsibly!) and be merry! Look around - the best holiday decorations are the ones hanging with you - not on the tree!

Circle of Friends

I have been thinking about friends alot lately. There are friends in my life who have lasted through many, many years of happiness and heart ache and others who were there for a short while. I have been very fortunate to have met many wonderful people and believe that people come into your life for a reason, and if they stay a short while or if they are there for a long time, they have/had a purpose.

I have an immediate circle of friends that I know will come to my rescue (or at least try!). Whether I have a deck problem, plumbing or electrical crisis, sickness, a bad hair day, need two or three cups of tea and mac and cheese, or I just need someone's ear (or shoulder)! The value of this inner circle of friends is immeasureable, and I hope they know how much I appreciate them!

There are other people in my life that I like to refer as "lifers". They have been with me for a long time and are made up of childhood and school friends. We do not communicate regularly, but when we do, it is bliss! Months, even years, could pass, and every now and again this person will come into my mind. Then before you know it, the phone rings (on either end) and the catching up begins! The real constant about this little circle of friends is knowing that this person still thinks of me.

While plugging through life, we connect with people who are in the same situation we may find ourselves in at that time. A kindred soul, I guess you could say. When our life circumstances change, the class finishes, the job ends, we miss the relationship. But life changes and we move on. We cannot possibly maintain involved, intimate relationships with everyone we meet - even if we were very close for a very important period of time. But friendships that are short are still important.

Our circle of friends is always changing - some will remain constant while others float in and out of our lives...making way for new connections, some ready to re-establish the old, comfortable ones. If there is someone you are missing right now, reach out, say hi, re-establish a connection. A new relationship doesn't necessarily have to start here but a good feeling may result.

My wish for you is that you connect with someone you have been thinking about. Send a quick e-mail, a holiday greeting (tip: if you are sending the holiday newsletter add a personal note please...!)...and I hope you will receive glad tidings.

Karen

I hope you dance - or at least - wiggle a bit!

After a couple of weeks of illness, I am acutely aware of the challenges of inactivity. Forcing myself to sit and rest when I am normally an active, "Type-A" personality was difficult and sad. Yes, sad. Even though my wonderful friends called, e-mailed and visited, brought me food, movies, books and flowers, I missed out on something that I have grown to love. Dancing.

About a year and a half ago, I joined a dance class, and was so amazed at how much fun and how good I felt both learning something new and being able to move to music. This was not music that I was used to listening to, it was Middle Eastern music! Since then I have tried different styles of dance from different parts of the world and while challenging to learn, I leave the classes smiling and happy that I have opened myself up to new cultures and experiences.

I just watched the Oprah flash mob video of thousands of people choreographed to a song that spews positivity and happiness, and I was moved again by the power of dance. As I watched the people dance in unisen to the music and saw the energy transform a city block to a celebration of all that is good and positive, my love of dance and dancers was reaffirmed. These people were not professionals, they were just like me and you. They just wanted to be a part of an experience that has changed their lives and the lives of those who watched. Because let's face it - we know that they all didn't know each other when they started dancing, but in the end, they all came together as a community with the same purpose: to spread good feelings and positive energy. They became part of a special group of dancers - dancers who want to make others happy - regardless of size, age, ability, whatever! No one judged their style, no one laughed at their efforts. I'd like to think that everyone who watched the video smiled.

This is another part of my dance adventure that I feel is the best part. The dancers I met then and continue to meet, whether they have been dancing for years or if it is their first time, they do not judge. No one looks down on anyone struggling with a new step - we are all encouraged by each other to not give up! And if it's not perfect - the only concern of the group is that we are all having fun. Maybe I am fortunate to have experienced this unique brand of acceptance, but I hope not.

My wish for you is that when you dance, or wiggle a bit, that you are not judged, but you are admired for your carefree nature, your need to shake off the blues, and hopefully make someone smile in the process. Because when you dance, you can't help but smile! I know I can't!

What's your legacy?

It's a no-brainer - life is short. Even the longest of lives seem like a dream, whether that person is no longer with us, or is nearing the end of their life's journey. Old and young. We watch a life unfold. Their childhood, and teens, journeys and struggles, trials and triumphs. Stories of how they influenced others around them. Family and friends, neighbours and strangers. There are many wonderful stories. So many people touched, so many footprints on our lives.
I have thought back to the lives of others as they have grown with me or have passed on before me, and I am struck by one thing.
No one commented on the wealth earned, the gadgets accumulated, the house and car. No on talked about promotions, and bonuses. Everyone shared memories, experiences, laughter and tears. Good deeds and helpful hands, support and celebration.
These individuals moved people without material gain. But with actions and words. With kindness.
So, I'm back to the simple act of kindness. From offering a cup of tea to building a house, acts of kindness will be part of your legacy and will come back to you. Just when you need it. You'll see.
My wish for you as you go about your day, is that you spare some precious time to nurture your legacy of kindness. I know I'm going to try.
Karen

Something new adds pieces to you...

A few weeks back, I celebrated my 42nd birthday, and if you asked me 5 years ago how I would feel about advancing through my 40s I would probably have answered with a glare and a very quick subject change! I didn't even want to think about it. There were so many ideas I had about aging, about what was supposed to happen when you advance in years and I wondered if I had let myself down...
But I looked around and well, was pretty happy with what I saw. So what was missing?

"I" was missing!

As a rule, I do not make New Year's Resolutions - the one to stop cursing lasted all of 10 minutes "Holy #!@%^, those fireworks are *&$@ing awesome!" But the year I was to turn 40 I was going to do something different. That year, I resolved to do at least one thing I had never done before. And I wouldn't wait until someone could come with me. This was just for me.
In January 2007, I enrolled in acting classes at the Basement Theatre of the Arts and Culture Centre. I was apprehensive going somewhere I was not familiar, and I knew I would not know anyone. I nearly turned around when I got to the parking lot but I willed my feet to take me in. I was not disappointed. Walking into that class lead me to writing and performing 2 monologues for a packed theatre (ok mostly our family and friends - but it's all good!)
The next step led me to The Neighbourhood Strays Belly dance and Wild Lily Dance Studio. What an experience that has been (more later)! I started a novel, joined (and spoken to) the Positive Thinkers Club, rowed a Dragon Boat, zip lined through the jungle, signed up with a trainer, Bollywood danced, hoola hooped - yes something I haven't done in, say...30 years or more! It goes on...and what a trip!
Since that initial step, I have never looked back. Some things I did only once, others, I don't know how I lived without it for this long! I did these things for me and the reward was meeting new people who have enriched my life so much.
My wish for you is that you promise to do something for yourself once every year, and keep that promise. It only has to be once. Don't worry about how you look, focus on how you feel. Just be yourself!

Karen

Fairwell Downtown Girl!!

So Monday was supposed to be my last "official" day as a Downtown Girl (thank you Jim Fiddler for that song)! And even though I love my new spot and don't regret the move at all, it was still a sad day. I decided to spend the afternoon doing one of my favorite downtown past-times: walking the old streets, reading and writing by the waterfront.
I strolled in the sun and was thrilled that the big yellow ball decided to stick around for a while and not be swallowed up by a wall of fog rolling in the narrows! I spent a lot of time noticing the sights. The colours, the coastline, the people. As I walked I was struck by the feeling that has never left me - even after 7 years living in the downtown core. Downtown St. John's, love it or hate it, is a unique place. From the Jellybean houses, mini flower gardens, rooftop balconies, colourful characters, one-way streets, hidden alley-ways...nothing can compare to this little gem. It is a place where I meet friends in our usual coffee spots (no appointment necessary), or I can also sit quietly and read in my favourite place.
Then there are the sounds. How can I forget the sounds? On an overcast night you can sit in your balcony and hear the live music on George Street as if you were there. And if you were actually there, and added bonus was was being able to pop up over the hill and use your own facilities! It was not only music, the working dockyard offered it's own symphony, that I only really noticed around 3:00am!
Downtown St. John's is changing. Everywhere is changing, when you look at it. More and more we are inundated with negative stories about the happenings in our city and it seems even more focused in the downtown. I eventually had to adapt to the changing times, "for the times they are a changing"!
In a city that us adapting to the world around it, we become more aware city dwellers. Regardless if we live in the "Burbs" or if we live in a home looking out through the narrows. We can't ignore our safety and protection.
But as I sat and wrote this blog in my notebook, I stopped a lot and looked around and listened to everything. I figured that while we regard our city with cautious optimism, we must not paint it with the same brush as every growing city. Look around, really look around. No one uses the same paintbrush in downtown St. John's.
My wish for you is that you adapt to whatever change is happening around you, look at your life and your surroundings with fresh eyes and cautious optimism. You have your paintbrush...use it!
Karen

The lost art of play

For those of you who are new parents, you probably know the concept of play and imagination intimately. Everyday you are witness to a child's imaginary world, captivated by the ideas that come out of a brain that has been developing for a very short time. You have been invited into their imaginary world only to be amazed at what they see. You have probably been instructed in the proper way to destroy storm troopers, or wore Christmas pot holders while sitting in the livingroom because it was Christmas, they were green and red, and you were an elf. Maybe you had tea with Princess Sunflower and Lily, her fairy sister. What a world you have seen when you open yourself up to theirs.
However, for those of us who have never had children, or whose children are long grown, the art of play either is unknown to us or is a distant memory. We feel silly pretending because we now live in the real world, where bills, news, work, stress, and so many other pressures are our reality, and there is no more room for fantasy.
I have been fortunate enough to be re-introduced to the world of play. As soon as I heard "pretend we are on a rocket..." I was catapulted in time, back to my days of playing Star Wars, where self-consciousness was no longer a part of my reality. The insecurities of adulthood were thrown away as I took hold of my pool tube light saber. I pushed the inevitable negative statements out of my head: "I'm going to look silly" "What if someone sees me". With the negative talk gone, my focus was my shield of invisibility and commanding the storm troopers.
Some people may regard make believe as a waste of time, others will say that we pretend everyday - to be someone we are not. There are masks we wear, and acts we perform to get ahead, hide our true selves, or protect others from the truth. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about pretending for the sheer purpose of having fun.
This was a different kind of make believe. My purpose was solely to crawl inside the mind of a 5 year old and help him save his universe. Because, let's face it, in no time, his universe will be just like ours: bills, work, stress... For a brief moment, I was 5, and living in his world. And you know what? I liked it so much, I may just go back there again!
My wish for you is that you rediscover the art of play and pretend for the sheer enjoyment of it. Find your inner child and don't be afraid to show it. Just let go and let life take you somewhere else.
Karen

A simple act of kindness

I did something the other day that I don't usually do. I introduced myself to someone who had been in the music business both locally and internationally, and told her how much I enjoyed her music and missed hearing it (she hasn't been singing in a while). It happened in a local coffee shop and we were both alone. Of course, while I was buying my coffee, the mental debate was going on... "how silly would I look?" "she'd think I was a total fruitcake" "would she be a typical celebrity and snub me off"... So I sweetened my coffee and walked toward the door...and stopped. Guess what happened? Stay tuned!

Everyday we are faced with opportunities to pass on a little kindness - sincere, genuine kindness. The spoken word is a powerful thing. Think about the last time someone said something to you and hurt your feelings. It stayed with you, didn't it? What about the last time you heard something that made you feel good about yourself? Did it stay with you as long as the hurt?

Young children are very good at expressing random acts of kindness. Four year olds will look at you (and not necessarily your own!) and tell you they love you just for sitting with them and colouring a picture or passing them a bowl of cheesies. They will tell you that You are the best You they ever had. As we get older, this happens less and less. Sad, but true.

Recently I learned of another example of kind words being spoken - from two 40+ men. One of their wives was joking at how ridiculous the guys are when they get together as they are always saying how great the other one is. But as she was telling me this, she was laughing. Hearing the story, I couldn't help but smile. As corny and silly as it may be to watch, the positive energy flowing from these guys even spilled into a discussion about them months later. This is so rare, yet refreshing.

Sincere spoken kindness is difficult to find, and even more difficult to initiate. But trust me, the rewards are priceless. As for my "singer" experience, well, I took a few steps back...turned to this person and told her how I felt. And she was flattered, really, sincerely flattered. She smiled and thanked me for my kind words. I left the coffee shop smiling to myself, knowing that I made another person feel good about themselves. And the only people who witnessed it were each other. We didn't share e-mail addresses or phone numbers, I didn't become her new friend on facebook, I just succeeded in passing on a little kindness in a world where there just doesn't seem to be enough of it going around....guilty as charged.

My wish for you is that someone will be kind to you, or you will be kind to another person, for no other reason then to experience how good it feels. Remember, the beauty of a smile is not only seeing the smile, but knowing that you are the reason behind it...
Karen

Letting go of the Outcome!

So it's 4:20am, I am wide awake and have been for about an hour. (I wrote this post in a notebook as I knew that if I turned on my computer there would be NO chance of sleep coming)! What is usually a pattern of recurrent insommnia I have had since childhood is also fueled by anxiety and worry over something in my life over which I have little to no control. One of the most difficult concepts I have yet to grasp is to "Let go of the Outcome"!

Letting Go of the Outome or LGTO (I am a lazy typer) was introduced to me by a new friend (www.paulmichaelwhite.com ). From what I have learned so far (and no doubt with much more to come) is LGTO occurs when you let your mind rest and the chips fall where they may. Simple as that (so why is it so hard???!!!) Because no matter how much energy you spend engulfed in worry about what will happen, SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN...regardless of your anxiety level. I have practiced LGTO on one very important decision, and as hard as it was to let go, I did. I did not allow myself to worry, and the outcome occured without any mental intervention on my part! It was difficult, but worth it!

Now LGTO does NOT mean sitting back on your couch saying, "that's it, not doing anything, que sera sera, whatever will be will be and it will all come to me". To receive the desired outcome, you must first do everything that you possible can to influence or effect the inevitiable result. Whether it is selling a house, getting a new job, starting or ending a relationship, you first have to prepare the foundation: the desired outcome does not fall into your lap without preparation or action on your end. That being said, however, there comes a point in the process where you have to say, "That's it, I'm done, there is nothing more I can do and it is now in the hands of the "Otcome Gods"! Then let go. Let go of the worry, anxiety, negative thoughts...just think, wouldn't your energy be better spent creating a new outcome, rather than worrying about something that you now have little or no control over? The result may be good or bad - the outcome will not always be what you want. But I believe that everything happens for a reason - we just are not always privy to what that reason is when it happens.

LGTO is still an ongoing struggle for me, and will continue to be as I move through this process. I am a constant worrier - and have been told many times that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair, keeps you busy but gets you nowhere! So true.

My wish for you is that in some aspect of your life, you let go of the outcome and allow the result to come to you. Then take that energy you used to spend on worry and create something, laugh with your friends or family or just sit in peace - knowing that everything will eventually work out.

Karen

Greetings from the 'Spear'

July 5, 2009: My first trip to Cape Spear this year. Surprising, really, since I have spent so many hours here in the past - hours of sun, cloud, rain, freezing rain, and of course the never ending wind. Yet, as I walked to my usual perch, smelled the familiar scent of partridgeberry bushes, and heard the sound of the the ocean, I was welcomed back, and it was like I had never been away.

Life happens, we change: friends, lovers, homes, jobs...all change. Priorities shift, moods ebb and flow like the waves crashing against the rocks. But as I sit and look out over the ocean, I am met with the same rocks, the same waves, the same seabirds. The wind enveloping me in the comfortable coolness that can only be found by the Atlantic ocean. Today, just when I felt the need for the comfort of the familiar in my life full of changes, I found it. My little niche in nature.

I was grateful that it wasn't cold today. There have been times when the raging sea and fierce cold air were a perfect match for my mood. Those days when I needed to feel the power of the something bigger than whatever rage or black mood that enveloped me, this place did not disappoint.

Sometimes when we feel that we are at a crossroads in life, or just faced with what seems like insurmountable difficultites, we are often told to go to our happy place. I disagree. While I do not dispute the need for a happy place, we also need a place where we can be unhappy, afraid, angry or just plain sad. I like to call it my "Control-Alt-Delete place". Where after the emotions have run their course, I feel cleansed, rejuvinated and able to think more clearly about the decisions I have to make or the issues I have to face. My spot to reboot is Cape Spear - where all the feelings seem to get swept up in the sea, crashed against the waves and returned to me in another form, another perspective.

Maybe this is what this blog will be for me too - another spot to reboot my mind's computer - and maybe it will do the same for you...who knows? And like Cape Spear, where a fox just magically appears out of nowhere, or a whale saluts me with his tale, I may surprise you with something to make you smile. This will be a growing experience for me, and I hope a little bit of entertainment for you...

My wish for you today - find your own Control-Alt-Delete Spot - your very own, for those times when you just need to restart the mind's computer to take on whatever challenge you face even if it is trying to decide on what to feed the in-laws tomorrow night!