Permission to Whine

A few of my friends are going through some pretty hard times right now. Between body pain and problems, leaky roofs and basements, job stress to the point of illness, sick parents, pets... Hard times all 'round.
This is life, these things are going to happen. And when they do, it is devastating. So we whine, and wonder why me, why now? I have so much on the go, this is not convenient for this to happen. And that's just it... tragedy never happens when we are ready for it. WE never get the opportunity to say, "Ok, unleash your wrath, I have a 2 day window with nothing going on so I can wallow in self pity".
In a perfect world...But life happens - we know that, and while sometimes expected, we are rarely 100% ready. So we deal with it, and move on.
Then there is the flip side of these tragedies. In the midst of our pity party, our "why me" "why now", we start to feel guilty. We think "it could have been worse, at least it wasn't an earthquake, hurricane, tsunami, crazed gunman..."
So here we are already feeling bad, and now we make ourselves feel worse. We accuse ourselves of being selfish because we are only thinking about our little world. Our little problems in the grand scheme of things are really that, little problems. And we are ashamed to be whining about it.
Well here is my message to you. Go ahead and whine. This is YOUR world! YOUR home! YOUR body! YOUR friends! YOUR family! YOUR pet! This is the life that YOU have worked so hard to create and nurture and be proud of, and when bad things happen to what you have...it is, well, bad.
It does not mean that you do not feel compassion for the tragedies of a huge global scale. On the contrary. I believe that you feel more because you understand personal tragedy.
My wish for you is that you give yourself permission to groan "why me?" "why now?". Let yourself feel bad for your tragedy and let go of the guilt. Because, face it, it sucks. Whine, have a pity party, then try and feel better. Hugs to all...

Many thanks... even though you get on my nerves...sometimes

So this week-end, many of us are voicing our thanks. We are thankful for our family, friends, family, pets, homes, basically all the blessings in our lives. We spent the time with full bellies, in cozy homes, surrounded by everything that makes us happy. Our good fortune is everywhere.

So today, in contrast to the gatherings happening around me, I found myself back in my spot to reboot: Cape Spear. So here I am, back where this all started, sitting on my bench, shivering, looking out over the water and thinking: Control-Alt-Delete. It's breezy, a little cold (I'm hoping to be able to read my writing due to a shivering hand). But it is a beautiful day, no rain, drizzle, fog. The sea is powerful, not angry, and just big enough so you don't mess with her. The waves crash against the rocks and I am reminded of our moods sometimes: sometimes gentle, sometimes rough, always changing.

I have to ask, why do I feel the need to reboot on a day when everyone is feeling thankful? It cannot mean that I am not appreciative of the many blessings in my life. On the contrary, I have many blessings in my life...

But today, I felt the need to come here to gain perspective. There are times when just the very people, pets, things, careers that we are thankful for, are the very same people, pets, things, careers that drive us nuts sometimes. We sit there and think why the heck do I even bother? How many times have we uttered the phrase "Enough, I am done!" I would be lying if I told you that the thought of living out my days in straw hut on a deserted island never looked better sometimes! It is difficult to be consistently positive in a world where we are bombarded by negativity and stress. It is hard not to take our frustrations out on those we love, for example. But that doesn’t mean we love them any less, or that we want our lives to be different.

We all feel that way from time to time. What we need to realize, is that the same passion we feel when we are frustrated, disappointed, pissed off, or just plain sad, is the same passion we feel in love, respect, friendship and happiness. It is not a cliché that we have to take the bad with the good, because without the bad, how will we recognize the good when we see it?

As we gaze around the dinner table, look around our houses, or just reflect on the years that have passed, my wish for you is to remember the reasons why you are devoted to everything that is important to you. And keep those feelings close, because like the waves, your mood will change, you will be angry, and you will be gentle… just like the waves, go with the flow. It doesn’t mean you love any less. It’s life: the good, the bad, and well, the beautiful AND the ugly…

Karen

Peace on Earth, Good Will to all Men...Unless you have a Disability

Not wanting to start 2011 off on a low note, however below is a letter I submitted to our local newspaper in hopes it will be printed...

New Years Day 2011, my friend and I decided to take his mom and her disabled friend to the rescheduled fireworks at Quidi Vidi Lake. We thought it was a brilliant idea, especially since the city had erected temporary disabled parking spaces at the end of the grocery store parking lot, facing the lake.

When we arrived at 6:40 we checked with the two city workers at the entrance-way who confirmed that the disabled spaces were still there. However when we attempted to park the vehicle, our disabled parking permit clearly visible, most if the parking spaces had been taken by non-disabled cars. My friend who was driving, exited our vehicle, permit in hand, asked the drivers if they would move. He was flatly denied by more than one driver! Fortunately one car did move and we parked. He then spoke with the city workers to advise that there were few disabled permits on the vehicles and was assured that someone would be by to check on it. Incidentally, we never did see anyone from the city enforce the disabled parking rule.

We settled in to watch the fireworks; quite disgusted that not only did people disrespect the parking restriction, but when asked to accommodate, outright refused to do so. In fact, the occupants in the car next to us who refused to move, proudly displaying a LIVE LOVE LAUGH stencil on the trunk, got out of the car to watch the fireworks, completely unhindered by a disability. When they returned to their car, we questioned why they parked in a disabled parking area. We were told that they felt completely justified to park there, as there were other vehicles in the area without permits. She also asked why our disabled passenger did not get out of the car herself to watch the fireworks! Newsflash – because unlike this insensitive woman, our passenger cannot walk! We asked if she was aware of the difficulty faced by people with disabilities, and she informed us she actually works with disabled people!

Another disappointing fact of the evening was the lack of control and enforcement by the city of St. John’s to accommodate those with disabilities. Our passenger was fortunate to have my friend to get out of the car and ask people to move. Had someone arrived who used a wheel chair but was able to drive, they would not have been able to get out of their car and ask the violators to move. The city of St. John’s prides itself on being accessible; however this was definitely not the case for the fireworks event. There was no enforcement of the city to ensure accessibility, even though staff was on site, and had been informed of the problem.

We all see them – people parking in disabled spaces, jumping out of their vehicles to run into a building. I have to wonder if they had to spend even one day with restricted mobility, what would happen. In the rare occasion when someone gets a ticket, they should also be forced to live a day with a disability, just to see what it is like not to be able to pop in and out of the store for a quick run! It just may change the world, one insensitive driver at a time.

We will remember them

So it's been a while since I posted anything - and it's not due to a lack of things to say! Busy times, and not much time for quiet reflection...that HAS to change. And it will!

So here I am on July 1, 2010, back from my annual pilgrimage to the War Memorial on Water Street. Fortunately today, unlike other years, it didn't rain and it wasn't bitter cold. So as I looked around - I wondered - why are the crowds getting smaller every year? Obviously, I do not mean the veterans, but those of us who every day reap the benefit from their sacrifice. The people we remember and respect today, paid with their lives or suffer the haunting memories of sights that we can't even imagine.

I stood amongst the hundred or so people today, proud that I was there to remember them. As I heard the lone trumpeteer, my mind pictured the repatriation ceremonies of the soldiers who are still fighting for freedom, peace and democracy. So not only was today's service to remember those who had fought and fallen at Beaumont Hamel, but as usual, I found myself thinking of those who are still fighting and falling. It is 2010, and there are still wars...Whatever happended to "the war to end all wars"? Just asking...

I, like most, want our military out of harms way. I do not want to turn on the news and see yet another repatriation ceremony, a flag draped coffin carried across a tarmack. I do not want to see tears on the faces of soldiers as they provide a final shoulder for this soul to rest on. I do not want to hear a lonely salute played for another life lost in the fight for peace... But we will. Sadly, it will happen again...

Regardless of your opinion of war, the military, Canada's mission in Afghanistan, whatever, those who serve and protect deserve our respect. I will be back on November 11 - regardless of the weather. Think about it - what we endure standing for an an hour in the cold, wind and rain, does not compare to what the fallen soldiers and veterans went through and what our military are experiencing right now. As I walk down Water Street, the only 'mines' I'm dodging are the canine ones. I can sacrifice my dry clothing to let them know that I will remember them...

So wherever you are today, my wish for you is that you take a minute to reflect on your freedom, knowing that there are those who are not free. Reflect on your safety, knowing there are those who are not safe. Never lose sight of the fact that there ARE those who are committed to bring democratic luxuries to others. And that, my friends, is the ultimate sacrifice.

The New Year vs The "Old" Year

So you're winding down from the holidays of 2009 and celebrating the beginning of 2010. What are you feeling as you think of another year, another decade, starting? No doubt you are thinking about the past. We all are. The holiday season is always a time for reflection, of looking back on the year that has gone by. It's a time to take inventory of what we have gained, our accomplishments, successes, new experiences, and what we have lost. At the dawn of a new year we are full of hope and promise of a new start. It's a second chance to get it right.

This time of reflection is not without a glimpse (or in some cases, a cold hard stare) into our misses, rather than our hits. The meant-to-be-broken-New-Years-Resolution notwithstanding, we are not immune to focusing on our shortcomings. Is this where we thought we were going to be 365 days ago? For some of us, absolutely. For others, probably not. We often set ourselves up with goals that at first glance should be within our reach, should be easy to accomplish...and for whatever reason, as the months fly by us at lightening speed, life happens and we lose sight of our goal. The cold reality of another January 1st hits us like a glass of ice water and we find ourselves thinking "where did that year go? what did I do all year? I know I didn't [lose 20 pounds] [start/finish school] [change jobs] [join a gym/dance/acting class/book club]..." Sound familiar?

I doubt any of us were idle this past year! On the contrary - when we take stock of what you did accomplish, it is a pretty impressive list. Whether it was finally finishing the unread books sitting in your bookshelf, an impromptu gathering with friends or family, or grabbing a gang to go skating, make note of it. The activities that really matter are rarely written down in your "To Do" list. But they are even more important, because they are part of your life, part of you and they deserve to be recorded. Take stock of what you have done - if it helps, record them in a calendar or journal (by the way, doesn't have to be a memoir). Document your "Have Done" list. It'll be an impressive one!

My wish for you is that as you reflect upon the year gone by, and the promise of the year to come, you take time to pat yourself on the back for another year well-done!

Happy New Year/Happy You Year!
Karen

The Inevitable Holiday Post!

It was bound to happen - the holiday post. Where I am supposed to remind you of the reason for the season.
I am not planning to do that. Everyone is stressed about the perfect gift, tree, meal... Apparantly, it is a season that is supposed to be full of peace and joy, however during my holiday errands, I am noticing that there is a shortage on peace and joy!
I just want to send a short message to remind everyone that regardless of how beautiful your tree is, how clean your house is, how many fancy cookies you have baked or painstakingly arranged the perfect evening, none of this is vitally important.
During the holiday entertaining season, there's one thing you must never forget...the reason why people are coming to see you is to do just that! TO SEE YOU! (and if they are concerned about petty, perfect things, then, really, what does it matter?) As in my previous friends post - you have guests who will want to pitch in to wash your dishes and bake your h'or d'oeuvres because you are running late! Let them!
My wish for you is that you entertain with a cheerful abandon. Put the timer on the stove when warming stuff up - then relax until called by the bell. Eat, drink (responsibly!) and be merry! Look around - the best holiday decorations are the ones hanging with you - not on the tree!

Circle of Friends

I have been thinking about friends alot lately. There are friends in my life who have lasted through many, many years of happiness and heart ache and others who were there for a short while. I have been very fortunate to have met many wonderful people and believe that people come into your life for a reason, and if they stay a short while or if they are there for a long time, they have/had a purpose.

I have an immediate circle of friends that I know will come to my rescue (or at least try!). Whether I have a deck problem, plumbing or electrical crisis, sickness, a bad hair day, need two or three cups of tea and mac and cheese, or I just need someone's ear (or shoulder)! The value of this inner circle of friends is immeasureable, and I hope they know how much I appreciate them!

There are other people in my life that I like to refer as "lifers". They have been with me for a long time and are made up of childhood and school friends. We do not communicate regularly, but when we do, it is bliss! Months, even years, could pass, and every now and again this person will come into my mind. Then before you know it, the phone rings (on either end) and the catching up begins! The real constant about this little circle of friends is knowing that this person still thinks of me.

While plugging through life, we connect with people who are in the same situation we may find ourselves in at that time. A kindred soul, I guess you could say. When our life circumstances change, the class finishes, the job ends, we miss the relationship. But life changes and we move on. We cannot possibly maintain involved, intimate relationships with everyone we meet - even if we were very close for a very important period of time. But friendships that are short are still important.

Our circle of friends is always changing - some will remain constant while others float in and out of our lives...making way for new connections, some ready to re-establish the old, comfortable ones. If there is someone you are missing right now, reach out, say hi, re-establish a connection. A new relationship doesn't necessarily have to start here but a good feeling may result.

My wish for you is that you connect with someone you have been thinking about. Send a quick e-mail, a holiday greeting (tip: if you are sending the holiday newsletter add a personal note please...!)...and I hope you will receive glad tidings.

Karen