Permission to Whine

A few of my friends are going through some pretty hard times right now. Between body pain and problems, leaky roofs and basements, job stress to the point of illness, sick parents, pets... Hard times all 'round.
This is life, these things are going to happen. And when they do, it is devastating. So we whine, and wonder why me, why now? I have so much on the go, this is not convenient for this to happen. And that's just it... tragedy never happens when we are ready for it. WE never get the opportunity to say, "Ok, unleash your wrath, I have a 2 day window with nothing going on so I can wallow in self pity".
In a perfect world...But life happens - we know that, and while sometimes expected, we are rarely 100% ready. So we deal with it, and move on.
Then there is the flip side of these tragedies. In the midst of our pity party, our "why me" "why now", we start to feel guilty. We think "it could have been worse, at least it wasn't an earthquake, hurricane, tsunami, crazed gunman..."
So here we are already feeling bad, and now we make ourselves feel worse. We accuse ourselves of being selfish because we are only thinking about our little world. Our little problems in the grand scheme of things are really that, little problems. And we are ashamed to be whining about it.
Well here is my message to you. Go ahead and whine. This is YOUR world! YOUR home! YOUR body! YOUR friends! YOUR family! YOUR pet! This is the life that YOU have worked so hard to create and nurture and be proud of, and when bad things happen to what you have...it is, well, bad.
It does not mean that you do not feel compassion for the tragedies of a huge global scale. On the contrary. I believe that you feel more because you understand personal tragedy.
My wish for you is that you give yourself permission to groan "why me?" "why now?". Let yourself feel bad for your tragedy and let go of the guilt. Because, face it, it sucks. Whine, have a pity party, then try and feel better. Hugs to all...

Many thanks... even though you get on my nerves...sometimes

So this week-end, many of us are voicing our thanks. We are thankful for our family, friends, family, pets, homes, basically all the blessings in our lives. We spent the time with full bellies, in cozy homes, surrounded by everything that makes us happy. Our good fortune is everywhere.

So today, in contrast to the gatherings happening around me, I found myself back in my spot to reboot: Cape Spear. So here I am, back where this all started, sitting on my bench, shivering, looking out over the water and thinking: Control-Alt-Delete. It's breezy, a little cold (I'm hoping to be able to read my writing due to a shivering hand). But it is a beautiful day, no rain, drizzle, fog. The sea is powerful, not angry, and just big enough so you don't mess with her. The waves crash against the rocks and I am reminded of our moods sometimes: sometimes gentle, sometimes rough, always changing.

I have to ask, why do I feel the need to reboot on a day when everyone is feeling thankful? It cannot mean that I am not appreciative of the many blessings in my life. On the contrary, I have many blessings in my life...

But today, I felt the need to come here to gain perspective. There are times when just the very people, pets, things, careers that we are thankful for, are the very same people, pets, things, careers that drive us nuts sometimes. We sit there and think why the heck do I even bother? How many times have we uttered the phrase "Enough, I am done!" I would be lying if I told you that the thought of living out my days in straw hut on a deserted island never looked better sometimes! It is difficult to be consistently positive in a world where we are bombarded by negativity and stress. It is hard not to take our frustrations out on those we love, for example. But that doesn’t mean we love them any less, or that we want our lives to be different.

We all feel that way from time to time. What we need to realize, is that the same passion we feel when we are frustrated, disappointed, pissed off, or just plain sad, is the same passion we feel in love, respect, friendship and happiness. It is not a cliché that we have to take the bad with the good, because without the bad, how will we recognize the good when we see it?

As we gaze around the dinner table, look around our houses, or just reflect on the years that have passed, my wish for you is to remember the reasons why you are devoted to everything that is important to you. And keep those feelings close, because like the waves, your mood will change, you will be angry, and you will be gentle… just like the waves, go with the flow. It doesn’t mean you love any less. It’s life: the good, the bad, and well, the beautiful AND the ugly…

Karen

Peace on Earth, Good Will to all Men...Unless you have a Disability

Not wanting to start 2011 off on a low note, however below is a letter I submitted to our local newspaper in hopes it will be printed...

New Years Day 2011, my friend and I decided to take his mom and her disabled friend to the rescheduled fireworks at Quidi Vidi Lake. We thought it was a brilliant idea, especially since the city had erected temporary disabled parking spaces at the end of the grocery store parking lot, facing the lake.

When we arrived at 6:40 we checked with the two city workers at the entrance-way who confirmed that the disabled spaces were still there. However when we attempted to park the vehicle, our disabled parking permit clearly visible, most if the parking spaces had been taken by non-disabled cars. My friend who was driving, exited our vehicle, permit in hand, asked the drivers if they would move. He was flatly denied by more than one driver! Fortunately one car did move and we parked. He then spoke with the city workers to advise that there were few disabled permits on the vehicles and was assured that someone would be by to check on it. Incidentally, we never did see anyone from the city enforce the disabled parking rule.

We settled in to watch the fireworks; quite disgusted that not only did people disrespect the parking restriction, but when asked to accommodate, outright refused to do so. In fact, the occupants in the car next to us who refused to move, proudly displaying a LIVE LOVE LAUGH stencil on the trunk, got out of the car to watch the fireworks, completely unhindered by a disability. When they returned to their car, we questioned why they parked in a disabled parking area. We were told that they felt completely justified to park there, as there were other vehicles in the area without permits. She also asked why our disabled passenger did not get out of the car herself to watch the fireworks! Newsflash – because unlike this insensitive woman, our passenger cannot walk! We asked if she was aware of the difficulty faced by people with disabilities, and she informed us she actually works with disabled people!

Another disappointing fact of the evening was the lack of control and enforcement by the city of St. John’s to accommodate those with disabilities. Our passenger was fortunate to have my friend to get out of the car and ask people to move. Had someone arrived who used a wheel chair but was able to drive, they would not have been able to get out of their car and ask the violators to move. The city of St. John’s prides itself on being accessible; however this was definitely not the case for the fireworks event. There was no enforcement of the city to ensure accessibility, even though staff was on site, and had been informed of the problem.

We all see them – people parking in disabled spaces, jumping out of their vehicles to run into a building. I have to wonder if they had to spend even one day with restricted mobility, what would happen. In the rare occasion when someone gets a ticket, they should also be forced to live a day with a disability, just to see what it is like not to be able to pop in and out of the store for a quick run! It just may change the world, one insensitive driver at a time.